Drawing a Blank

I set out blogging with the intention of disciplining myself to writing something everyday, whether it be good or bad, interesting or boring.  My purpose was to turn my thoughts into words on a daily basis.  This goal makes me really focus on the people, thoughts, words, events, etc. of my daily life.  Having a desire to write about life helps me to actually FOCUS on MY life.  With that said, I was reminded today at school that it has been a couple of days since I’ve blogged.

So, here I sit, on my lunch break, looking at a blank screen.  I haven’t written anything in a few days and yet my mind is as blank as the screen in front of me.  It’s not as if my life has been empty for four days.  On the contrary, I attended the funeral of a dear friend’s step-dad, was a part of an amazing church service, spent an evening with my family, and had a full day of work and exercise.  I’ve organized my apartment and classroom, watched two films, done my daily devotional, read and even managed to walk the dog a few times amongst everything else. :)  No, it certainly hasn’t been a blank couple of days- my life is full and overflowing.

Thinking through the thoughts and feelings I’ve the past few days, only one thing is standing out right now- this idea of "blankness'.

.....

Over dinner Sunday night, my family was discussing the end-times, the tribulation, eternity and how current world events are shaping up.  Now I know that for a Christian the end-times should be exciting.  It means we are closer than ever to an eternity of love, joy, peace and the unveiled presence of God.  And I, also, know that the Bible says to watch and pray as the day draws near.  BUT, this is a lot easier said than done, especially for someone that has a worrisome personality like I do.  Chats of this nature tend to bring on feelings of uneasiness, worry, dread of a painful future here on Earth and the reality that I really am in control of nothing (as a control freak, this is the worst for me).

As we discussed these topics, I thought of little Kinsley in my arms.  She was just watching us all talk, smiling and cooing when she was able to make eye contact with one of us.  My first thought was how much I wish I could protect her from the pains of the world, from the struggles and harsh realities she will face someday. The Bible says that it is better to morn birth and rejoice in death, and in moments such as this I get a tiny glimpse of why this is so.  However, my thoughts didn't stop there.  

It hit me, as our conversation continued, that Kinsley is what we, as a child of God, are supposed to be like.  She is a BLANK slate.  Kinsley wasn't sitting there worried about the future.  The word 'tribulation' means the same to her as the word 'love' does at this point in her life.  When we started talking about current threats of war, she wasn't getting antsy like her mom and aunt were.  She was simply enjoying our company, confident that all her needs will be met by those who love her.  All she knows is that if she cries out, someone will be there to comfort and take care of her.

Kinsley, the little blank slate, deprived of concern for the future, is exactly what I am supposed to be like in EVERYTHING.  Blank is what I am supposed to come to God with.  When my hands, heart and mind are full, I become distracted and it becomes impossible to sit and enjoy the presence of God.  I spend so much of my time telling Him how He should take care of me rather than simply crying out and trusting that HE knows what I need, secure in the knowledge that He will take care of my EVERY need.  

Kinsley lives in the present, which allows her future to be blank, yet full of all kinds of possibilities.  My prayer this week is that God will show me how to come to Him with child-like faith and to rest secure in His promises, asking that He will clear the areas of my life that are cluttered with worry, that I, too, may come to Him as a blank slate so He can fill the pages with His words, thoughts, ideas and ways.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow:
for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

-Matthew 6:34-