Comfort to Courage

Life.  It's beautiful.  It's heartbreaking.  It's full of adventure.  It's terrifying.  It's exciting.  It's painful.  And often it is just plain hard, even in the midst of the grandeur.

Sometimes I feel like I am just in a holding pattern.  That I am roaming aimlessly through this life phase.  I feel like just beyond the horizon is a painting of all of my hopes and dreams, but that I'm just close enough to see it and not get my hands dirty from touching it.

Waiting.  Learning.  Growing.  Patience.  Pain.  Change.

My brain knows that this is the nature of life.  Every story I read, every song I hear and every poem I recite tells me that this IS life.  This is one aspect of humanity that links us together.  My brain knows this, but my heart fights it.  

Tonight at Bible study I heard a quote that so eloquently describes every emotion I feel in this, seemingly difficult, life season.  This season that is filled with so many transitions.  This season where everything changes about the time I'm getting comfortable.  This season where God seems to be stripping things away so that He alone can write the story of my life and future.  A story He desires to orchestrate to perfection, even if that means I'm uncomfortable.  

The following quote, by Jeanne Stevens is from my women's Bible study.  It is fairly lengthy, but sums up my feelings and reminds me that growth is good, but isn't always easy.  And, it reminds me that learning to live courageously is a processes.

"Courage will always require an element of leaving.  Leaving is just plain hard.  When My 3 year old knows I’m about to leave he will often squeeze as hard as he can around my neck to lovingly manipulate me into staying one more minute.

I know how he feels—because leaving comfort for courage makes me want to wrap my arms around every ounce of safety in my life—hoping if I hold on tight enough that I won’t have to taste the pain of the leaving what I know is inevitable.

Leaving comfort and safety looks and sounds alluring and attractive - but the attraction fades quickly—in fact I have never felt so vulnerable, small, and needy…. words that are not known for their alluring appeal.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to question your decision.  It will cause you to look around for the safety bars, seat belt, and any kind of security button.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to try to make something happen.  Scheme, make phone calls, send out hail Mary e-mails—anything to distract from sitting in the fear.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to doubt your abilities.  You will look at everything that you have failed at in the past … failed relationships, failed financial decisions, failed leadership calls—and you will wonder will you repeat those patterns and are they indicators to go out and look for comfort again.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to doubt the author of the calling on your life.  Thinking that God is too busy to take care of your little fear.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to be jealous of your neighbors.  —who seem to be perfectly content with their lives. You will wonder if you are some sort of crazy person that has a unhealthy propensity to live on the edge.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to look for the easy way out.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to pray like never before.  Wonder if you know any scripture to cast out the inner demon of doubt.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to white knuckle yourself around anything that feels secure and semi safe.  —even though you know earthly security and safety is a mirage and the place where Jesus is, is most where you want to be.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause you to feel weak in the knees. —a good indicator that you should stop standing up and get ON your knees.

Moving from comfort to courage will…cause others to question you.   Especially those that have found security to be a bedrock to build their lives on. You will be misunderstood, questioned, and perhaps even seen as foolish.

So today, God, I feel every one of these fears. I am terrified… straight up terrified. I am calling out to you to be a voice of truth and freedom. Tell me to settle down, to trust you and to release every one of these fears into your arms of faith. I know it is impossible to invite others into a life of obedience if I am unable to live it myself—so today I am re-upping my commitment to obey and be faithful."
http://www.catalystspace.com/content/read/leaving_comfort_for_courage