A Place for Failure

In college I had a couple of professors that encouraged my classes to take a break before grad school, to venture into the world, so to speak, before continuing our music education.  At the time this sounded preposterous.  Why not continue while information was fresh?  How valuable could experience really be?  Why would I want real-world experiences in place of musical experiences?


Nine years out I can finally see the wisdom in their suggestion.  Nine years ago I appreciated little.  Seven years ago I lived frivolously.  Five years ago I took discipline and hard work for granted.  Three years ago I still struggled to bounce back from failure.  One year ago I complained about everything.

Last night in choir rehearsal everything just seemed to click.  With the exception of my horrible Texas accent/diction, I didn't struggle.  Singing, sight-reading, focus, breath support, they all aligned.  I felt confident, but I couldn't help but think of rehearsals in the past that were not that seamless...all the times I didn't give my undivided attention to the conductor....the practices I skipped...the time I didn't commit to learning...the unsuccessful auditions...the missed notes...the poor sight-reading skills...the arrogance...the lack of discipline...the musical failures.

I don't like failing.  I'm not good at it, and as a result, my tendency is to avoid anything I might not be successful at.  Ridiculous, I know.  But last night I saw my past failures and I accepted them.  Why?  Because my musical struggles these past nine years have made me appreciate where I am now.  They encourage me to work harder.  I have learned from them, and that knowledge is currently making me a better musician.  I can step out of my comfort zone, because an unsuccessful attempt at something only defeats me if I let it.

I don't have life figured out by any stretch of the imagination, but experience really is a skilled instructor.  Information is important, but application is vital.  Yesterday I was the teacher, but last night I became the student.

"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy."

-Tony Robbins-

Side note:  I am still on cloud nine about choir rehearsal (First Day).  It's funny how you can know you miss something, but until it walks back into your life, you don't know just how much it has been missed.  I even wrote a melody on the way home last night (I Dreamed a Dream).  #joylist

10,000 Reasons